Anorexia Recovery Story: How I Survived An Eating Disorder

Anorexia Recovery Story: How I Survived An Eating Disorder

Anorexia kind of takes on a persona and becomes this person
in your life. Rather than being
something that is you, it’s about separation, between her and you. She’s nasty – anorexia is
always, always nasty. If you lose a bit of weight, then
for five minutes, she’s praising you and telling you that you look
fabulous with this new weight loss, and then she’ll go back to,
“But you’re still fat.” She is just this horrible bully
that I have to live with. That’s who I have to
contend with all my life. Anorexia is telling me
that I’m doing really, really well, and the doctors and nurses are
telling me that I’m going to die. I was 15 when I got diagnosed
with the anorexia. I was quite a tomboy. I mean, I was always up trees,
or scraping my knees and playing football and sports. Jodie and I met in year eight. If she’d stay over at my house
to get, like, movie snacks and stuff, we’d go over
the road in, like, onesies and stupid make-up,
and it’s all very embarrassing! I started school
and I got bullied through school, so I kind of channelled my energy
into my studying instead, and I had a lot of issues from
the bullying about my body image and how I felt about myself, and I was always quite insecure
of myself, I think, after that. I think I became kind of isolated,
which then led me to study a lot, and that kind of
added to the pressure of just wanting to be good enough. At college, she was, like,
wearing baggier clothes, like, she’d wear really oversized
jumpers and stuff to kind of, I guess, hide the fact
she was losing so much weight, but you could still
see it in her face. She would weigh out her food
quite a lot, um, and be really specific
on measurements. If you had a bag of crisps
or a bag of chocolates and you’d offer it,
she always say no – like, always. The anorexia began with sort of
the calorie counting idea of, “Oh, let’s stick with
this many calories a day,” and she manipulates you to get your
calorie amount to go down each day, and as soon as I’d eaten something, I instantly wanted
to exercise it off. It turns you against everyone, it doesn’t want you to be friends
with anyone, it doesn’t want you to feel loved, because she acts
as though she’s your friend. We were really close,
before the anorexia, then when the anorexia came,
it pushed us quite far apart. Anorexia hated my mum and dad,
and my nan and grandad, because they were the ones
that were trying to help me. Quite often, Jodie would say
she would hate me and want me dead. She bit me quite hard, she would pin me against the wall, but I could see it wasn’t her, it
was always the anorexia doing that. She was a split personality, Jodie,
at that time. Once you’re in the state that Jodie
was in, when she was at her worst, there was hardly any of Jodie left. I made a doctor’s appointment
and we went from there, really. I went straight from the General
Hospital to the in-patient unit, which was really, really hard. It was hard, because
her sugar levels kept dropping, they were worried
she would go into a sugar coma. Um, her heart rate was extremely,
extremely low. It was quite a muddle, really,
is how I could describe it, because I wasn’t with it
a lot of the time. The doctors were telling everyone to
say goodbye at this point, you know, Nan and Grandad came down
and everything, because they thought it was going
to be their last moments with me. So, the in-patient unit was quite
a competitive environment. I mean, the problem is, when you’ve
got a group of girls on a table, all eating together,
all with the same anorexic voice, it becomes a challenge
as to who can eat the slowest, or who can not finish their food,
or finish first. Daddy and daughter making dinner! And cat. I had a light bulb moment
after dinner. Me and my dad would always
go for a walk, and we’d always go around the block. And one day, I got to the end of
the road, and I let go of his hand and he said,
“What’s wrong?” and I said, “Well, the anorexia’s telling me
I need to walk round “the rest of this block,
I need to complete my walk, “but my heart’s actually telling me
I’m not going to make it there.” And I think I’d crushed her
instantly, in that moment of, “I really don’t like you any more,
I don’t want you in my life, “I don’t want you in my head.” There we go. One of the biggest hurdles was
the voice getting louder, because when you begin to rebel against her,
obviously she’s not going to like it, so she starts to scream at
you, and she really does get loud. I made an Instagram called
Jodie Eats To Live, and that was a username
decided by me, Mum and Dad. And we thought it was quite accurate to describe the journey
I was going through. Although I was against
social media at the time, actually, it’s made Jodie
a stronger person. I think her Instagram actually
really helped her, like, being able to document it,
kind of like a food diary. My fear food challenge is, you know,
eating a food that you find particularly scary, whether it be
a sweeter food, where the sugar content is maybe
a little bit higher, or more of a savoury food
where it’s a bit starchier, makes you feel full up. Shaking whilst putting the ham
on my thin, but here is my thin. Jodie Eats To Live kind of began
as a story for myself to get through it, and then,
as I got through it, it became a story for me
to help everyone else. I keep motivated because I try now
and look at what I didn’t have and what I have
and what I could have. Now I’ve been weight restored
for about coming up to two years, actually. I just can’t describe it
in words, really. I’m just feeling really grateful
to be here today. Yay, there we go! My teenage years,
they weren’t great, but we can sort of
move on from that. Wish for a bigger cake! Got to make a wish first. VOICEOVER: My 20s are going to be
a new chapter for me, a completely new start of my life, you know, I’m going to take things
from such a different perspective and keep positive,
and they’re going to be the best.

100 thoughts on “Anorexia Recovery Story: How I Survived An Eating Disorder

  1. The problem with me is that I never lose weight… there are days that I don’t eat anything and I haven’t lost a pound! 😠

  2. I haven't been to a doctor and I'm not diagnosed but I do everything that an anorexic does!I lost so many pounds and I gained weight but my weight just stopped moving and I don't know what to do now!

  3. the way she describes it as a person is so eye-opening. it shows how ed takes over your life. f anorexia, leave these people alone.

  4. I need some advice? So I dont know if I have this thing or not .

    I used to like food A LOT , you can see me eating a lot of time , but recently I get full after eating a few bites , around 3~4 bites . Sometimes I feel full before even touching the food . Its that weird? I feel like I am starting to hate food . Right now I have not been eating anything since last afternoon . And I feel a little dizzy and vomiting , and that makes me despise food even more .

    P.S my eng is bad i know :p

  5. Anna unwillingly became my best friend and now I am eating as little as 400kcal a day. She says everything will be alright and I can’t stop.

  6. Why refer to it in third person? It was you. It was the decisions you made. You are better now because of the positive decisions that you made

  7. Its been over 4 years since anorexia affected me. I can say it was hell and I survived! No more obsessive exercise and crying myself to sleep from being hungry. I made it through the hell and I support anyone going through this!

  8. I don't understand the need for media coverage to always include numerous (in this case a huge number) of pictures showing sufferers as really underweight or receiving hospital treatment etc which may very well be triggering for those already suffering with an ED 🙁
    I hate to see the mixed message of raising awareness (positive) while also knowing it will be triggering for some

  9. I was diagnosed a couple days ago. I haven’t told my friends or anybody. I’m afraid of what they will think of me if/when they find out. All my friends are moving to different states. There is no point of them knowing.

  10. I got kicked out of therapy because I won't stop drinking alcohol for nothing
    Now I just wait until my liver fails… I get 100% of all my calories from vodka, can't take long
    In Germany anorexic adults can't really get admissioned against their will, I think it is good because it is my life and nobody has a fucking right to force me to life it

  11. OH MY GOSH I RECOGNISED JODIE, FROM THE ED RECOVERY COMMUNITY FROM INSTAGRAM 2 years ago!!! This is insane, i am so proud of you jodie!!!! You look amazing and I'm so insanely proud! Wow this is crazy amazing ahhhhh <3 I'm so happy that she has her life back and she kicked anorexias ass dammmnn <3

  12. does no one think to infuse these people with strong doses of B vitamins which feed the brain with the proper nutrients it needs in order to think properly? the brain person of anorexia which feeds demonic thoughts to the awake part of the brain would then diminish then vanish if enough B vitamins are orally or IVed into a person….

  13. My family thinks I have anorexia because I don’t eat until I get home. I don’t eat in the morning because I hate eating in the morning. I don’t eat at school because I don’t like school food. I get home at almost 5 so I eat when I get home. The days I don’t go to school I eat like 3 times a day and I love food! That’s why my family thinks I have anorexia and I doubt it. Please leave any comments it will be very helpful❤️:)

  14. I actually wn trough the whole day yesterday without eating and I dont know if it was anorexia or i just didn want the hassle of eating

  15. It does point out how Anorexia is not a one thing fits all thing. Not every person thinks they look great skinny, not everyone looks in the mirror and sees fat.
    When I was ill, I knew I was too thin and I was scared ( I didn't actually realise how small I was until I saw pictures later on)
    I did "feel" fat sometimes. When I was on a specialist unit and on complete bedrest, or when I was being tube fed in hospital, I used to think I could feel the weight going on.
    There was a certain weight that, each time I was in hospital and got back up to it, I thought was "fat" even though it was still a considerably underweight weight. I didn't think it was fat for other people, just me ….as long as I was under that weight I felt ok, even though I knew, and saw that it was too thin.
    It was this constant battle between what I knew and what I saw, and how I felt.
    I never saw myself as "fat" I just felt it sometimes.

    Talking about the "split personality" gave me chills. I behaved in a awful way, not towards my family, but to the hospital staff and to my psychiatrist, who were just doing everything they could to help me.
    I hate myself when I think of some of the things I did and said, but at the time, it felt like I was possessed. Like I couldn't stop it.
    This is the first time I've heard of anyone doing something similar, even the other patients i was on the EDU never behaved the way I did. I was so ashamed.

    To hear it from someone else is such a relief, even though it won't ever excuse the way I acted.

    This girl seems so lovely. I really hope she lives her best life from now on.

  16. Been in recovery for 7 months. Veganism saved my life, honestly. Eating knowing I’m saving lives was what changed everything for me. I’m happy and healthy. Diagnosed at 14, I’m 16 now

  17. I’m not a religious person, and turn to science whenever I can, but after my daughter got her eating disorder, I’m almost convinced that demons exist. God, I hate this vile and evil disease with all my heart!!

  18. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I've also recovered. I know how brave it is to go through that process; and I think you're even braver to share it through video, as I've shared it in writing but never had the guts to do it visually. Thank you.

  19. She looks so much healthier and this video as well as her Instagram helps me so much. Seeing her and how her relationship with food and her body grow so positive is such an inspiration for me to keep fighting. 💪❤

  20. So so so amazing, moving on and through is just unbelievable. You look fabulous and healthy, don't let these comments tell you otherwise.

  21. Well , she did not need to become overweight and binge so much to get there. She could have stayed slim and engage in sports. That would have helped her to achieve both- being content with herself and having a fit( not thin) body.

  22. i was put in a facility for anorexics foe two months last year, scared ill relapse but im doing good right now

  23. I am not doing well. I am so small I have almost no time to eat,I am the size of an eight year old on top and size 6 standing at 5 foot 1. Days like today make me regret going outside. Even at an over weight bmi I am the width of someone about 10. It destroys my life daily. I don't have enough water, food and have breathing problems from exhaustion. I hate the people every day that bullied me into this. Saw the men that would keep telling em I gained weight on the bus fortunately he didn't see me. I have nightmares about that too. I hate everything my body is. I gained weight and I couldn't stand it or even maintain it. I think the pressure on women is terrible and needs to stop. The emotional pain to have this level of restriction is unbelievable. I fear in another few years Ill be dead through being unable to remember to drink water and eat enough to stay alive. Some of my functions are failing. No protein due to lack of time. My skeleton is ruined and I cant grow my bone structure. This isn't glamourous. Please do not do it.

  24. Anorexia is an eating disorder. Anyone suffered from Anorexia try herbal remedies of "Planet Ayurveda". They offered  Chitrakadi Vati, Snjeevani Vati, Hakam
    Churana and Digestive Support for anorexia. My friend also used these products
    and these show really very effective results.

  25. I’m 5 4” and 88 pounds. I feel healthy and fine, but I’m not. My hair, while very long, is thinning. I get to the point where my vision gets blurry and and heart palpitates, and I pass out. Being underweight is not glamorous

  26. Are you hurting and broken within
    Overwhelmed by a weight you can't bear
    Have you come to the end of yourself
    Do you thirst for a drink from the well
    Leave behind your regrets and mistakes
    Come today, there's no reason to wait
    Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy
    From the ashes your new life is born
    -The Lord Jesus Christ

  27. I’m thinking i have loss of appetite because i eat like only 1 thing everyday, and i can’t get my self to eat enough… is this dangerous? Someone please answer, and can it later on become anorexia?

  28. Because me eating makes my parents feel good but they don’t make me feel good about myself so why please them? When I’m not pleased myself?

  29. Baggy clothes aren't to hide weight loss. They're to hide the fat body the person thinks they have.

    This is one of the things doctors need to understand. That families need to understand.

  30. To all who are suffering with an eating disorder right now : You are worthy, You are amazing and you CAN recover and beyond! I believe in you ! Never ever give up 💕

  31. I just hate it when people with eating disorders say that it's a whole entity just like a normal person… Part of recovering from my personal eating disorder was accepting the fact that the problem was coming from deep inside me and was actually part of me and not from the exterior 😅

  32. My cousin was suffering
    from an Eating disorder. She purchased online medicine from Planet Ayurveda in
    the form of Sanjivani vati, Digestion support, etc. Now she has very much
    improvement in her health.

  33. Anorexia can creep back in your life. You will always have issues under the surface. I suspect that she was abused in some way before the age of 3 years old
    Look out because now because looking through rose colored glasses is ok for a moment but when the devil finds a week spot hell crawl back in bed with you

  34. She is really amazingly beautiful, stunning, and her eyes say it all, how proud she is of her recovery… Very inspiring!

  35. i don't understand this popular narrative of 'oh ana is a person in my head but it isn't me'. its me who is saying all this shit, maybe it makes people feel better to say that its someone else but its me

  36. If an anorexic was on a deserted island..would they still be anorexic when no body is there to see how thin they are? I think not. It's all for attention and praise. I know because I have it. I thrive for the praise.

  37. To everyone reading this please turn to Jesus He loves you and wants to save you from the pain you are going through, Only Jesus can truly heal you, He is the God of miracles The bible tells us in Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved, I seen God do amazing things in my life and in the lifes of people I know, God saved someone I know from illness leading to death, There is nothing impossible to Him, Its as simple as asking Him to show you He is there and if you really want to know Jesus will answer you, I know this because it happened to me when I called out to God

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