CUTTING / What & Why of Self-Harm Eating Disorder Video #28 | Kati Morton

CUTTING / What & Why of Self-Harm Eating Disorder Video #28 | Kati Morton


I have a lot of clients in my private practice that have suffered from this I have heard from a lot of you on tumblr, on twitter, on my website, that you’ve either known or you do suffer from this. And what I’m talking to you a little bit about today is cutting. I know some of you are thinking [gasp] eurgh, I don’t want to talk about that. And some of you are thinking oh my gosh, I’ve been suffering from that for years, what do you have to say about it? And others are thinking, oh, my best friend does that. I need tips; how do I help? What do I do? Well, today’s video is just going to give you a little bit of a therapeutic view of cutting. And, to kinda start off, I want to let you know that, first of all, cutting actually and unfortunately is not in the DSM as an actual diagnosis. It’s kind of something that comes along with other diagnoses. They have it listed under things such as Borderline Personality Disorder, uh, a lot of it comes along with eating disorders… Obviously, I know some of you may suffer also from an eating disorder as well as self harm behavior. And, another thing that I want to address right away is that I’m in no way condoning this behavior. Everything that I say today isn’t meant to glorify, nor shame, any of these behaviors. I just want to shed a little light on something that isn’t really talked about, the same way that I’m doing with eating disorders. Does that make sense? And I also will not approve any comments below that say, “this is how I do it,” “this is a better way,” I do not promote that kind of content. Nothing that I do… I don’t want to promote any self harming behavior. Whether we’re talking about actual self harm like cutting and scratching, things like that, or eating disorder behavior. I’m trying to promote wellness, right? “Healthy mind, healthy body,” that’s kind of where we’re going. So that’s just a little disclaimer because I know that this topic comes with a lot of heat, okay? So, cutting… Some of you may do it yourself, some people might know someone who does it… Why do people do it? The quick answer – the, like, you have 30 seconds, tell me what you know – would be that it’s almost the same reason that we have eating disorders. We use the cutting and the scratching, some people even bang their head on walls and things like that, we use that behavior as an outlet for unwanted emotions. Right? I’ve said that before when it comes to eating disorders. And the strange thing about cutting is that it has the same feeling to a lot of people that, for anorexics, when they’re in a starvation mode for, y’know, who knows how many days on end, and for bulimics or binge eaters when they’re binging. It’s that same kind of out-of-body, lack of any sensation, you’re kind of not even yourself. You’re almost watching over yourself, watching yourself do that. Remember when I talked about that in my bulimia and binge eating videos, when I talked about that out-of-body experience? A lot of people that I’ve worked with before who’ve done self harm behaviors explain it like that. And, I know for many of us who don’t engage in that behavior, we can think, “oh my gosh, that has to hurt so bad, why would anybody do that? ugh, I hate scabs and bleeding and eurgh,” It’s not about the pain. It’s not even about the blood, to be honest. It’s actually a release. When someone actually cuts themselves, because they’re in control of the self harm behavior, when they’re cutting themselves, there’s no fear, like when we fall and scrape our knees, we have that fear reaction, ahh! We don’t want to hurt ourselves. We don’t want to scrape or bump or break a bone. But for them, they’re in control of it. So, it’s a very different experience. A lot of people get confused with that. They think that it’s a fear they’re recreating, or, I don’t know, maybe they’ve been cut by a parent… It’s not anything to do with that. And it’s not attention seeking because cutters usually hide all of the wounds and the scars that have built up, they usually cut in places that are easy to hide with clothing, like upper arms or thighs. You might have someone in your life that’s doing it that you don’t even know is doing it. So why do they do it? If they don’t really do it for attention and it’s not about the pain, then why would anybody choose to cut? It’s the same as an eating disorder. Nobody chooses to do it. I’m not condoning the behavior either, I don’t want anybody going out back home and trying this. This isn’t something to try. This is a really difficult thing to get over. It’s like somebody saying they want anorexia. “Oh, I wish somebody just gave me anorexia.” Or somebody saying “oh, I’ve always wanted to be a bulimic.” No you don’t. And you know, if you’ve suffered from an eating disorder, you’re like, like hell you do! This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t get out of it! I’m caught! Right? Same with cutting. It’s just as bad, it’s just as hard. People tend to do self harm behaviors kind of to seek normal. I know many of you are thinking, “what the heck do you mean ‘seek normal?’ Nobody cuts! What?” It’s a recreation – and this is the therapeutic mind, y’know. Just humor me for a little bit while I explain how therapists talk about this. This is, let’s say I’m a little girl. I have parents who aren’t really helpful. They’re not around. They kind of abandon me, but not in the real sense of the word. They’re not there, maybe my mom is drugged out all the time or drinking, maybe my dad is sexually abusing me. It doesn’t have to be sexual abuse, but, just for this example, let’s say my dad is sexually abusing me. And it’s painful. So I’m recreating the pain. That pain, as sad as it sounds, is almost a comfort. Does that make sense? I know that’s really hard to fathom, but, I mean, that’s just one example. Many of you, I’m sure, have a ton of other examples and experiences with self harm behavior and why you do it. I would encourage you to share, maybe how you’ve worked through it, what you’ve noticed and learned from your experiences. Because that’s what I’m more into cultivating here is us learning from one another so we can move forward. But, the truth behind cutting is that a lot of it has to do with a comfort. It’s a release. It’s the same way we use our eating disorder. I don’t know if any of you can kind of make that parallel that I’m trying to draw, but what we’re really doing, and that’s why I say it’s not about the pain. It’s like somebody saying an eating disorder is about the food. It’s not about the food! It’s about a lot of other things. We just choose to focus on the food, right? So they choose to focus on the blood and the scabs and the scars and the cutting and… It’s all about hiding; it’s very sneaky and it’s very shame-filled, the same way an eating disorder is. And, that’s kind of just scratching the surface, no pun intended, I’m sorry. [giggle] But we’re just getting into this in a way so that we can begin talking about this. Because just like eating disorders, cutting and self harm behavior isn’t talked about enough. It’s not even recognized as a real diagnosis in the DSM, which really frustrates me. It’s only listed as like a subset of other diagnoses. But we know that it’s a huge issue. It’s a problem. The same way that eating disorders is a problem and nobody really talks about them that much. And that’s why I created this video this week, so we can begin talking about self harm behavior. And I would encourage you to leave your comments below. And the comments that I would prefer to be left are things like, “this is what I did to help myself get better,” “these are things that I’ve learned from my therapist or through my own experience.” Like I said, this isn’t a playground for “these are better ways to do self harm behavior…” That is not what I wanted to create. Let’s help each other. If you have a workbook that’s really helped you, that you’ve worked on with your therapist, let us know about it! Y’know, put the link down so we can find it. Let’s help each other as we work harder because these issues, eating disorders and self harm behaviors are really difficult and I want to create an environment and a community that is supportive. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel, ’cause this is only the beginning of our conversation about this. And so when I post another video, you’ll hear about it. And don’t forget my website, katimorton.com. There’s a lot of great feedback on there, a lot of journals – feel free to vent about things that are going on with you – people post art, whatever you need and you want, it’s on there, so definitely check it out. And keep taking these steps with me as we work towards a healthy mind, and of course, a healthy body. Subtitles by the Amara.org community

100 thoughts on “CUTTING / What & Why of Self-Harm Eating Disorder Video #28 | Kati Morton

  1. Kati, love your passion behind this and thanks for sticking up for those who cut are have an eating disorder. Thanks for truly understanding because some people think tend to have astigmatism to mental health which really pisses me the hell off. Especially when it comes to cutting. Now kids are learning even at an earlier age and it is scary. I was taught when I was 15 and before then I was sheltered to self-injury. I recently heard of the butterfly project which basically for those who don't know you create a butterfly on you and you write a name you care about and if you cut then you wipe the butterfly off you. The goal is to see how long you can go without cutting. I really wished it would work for me but there are other things that I do to keep my mind off of it. U can take ice cubes, rubber bands or even draw blood or a cut with a sharpie if you are the visual person instead of physically doing the act.

  2. Thank you for this. when I self harm I feel numb and I feel like I can't control my actions sometimes my mind feels numb as well it's almost more scary when my mind is not numb because my brain is yelling at me to stop and put the scissors down but I just keep doing it. Other times my brain tells me to keep going and I deserve this ect. But sometimes I'm just completely numb I can't feel anything I can't control anything….

  3. I’ve just started trying to stop. It’s a real struggle Everyday. But I’m so proud looking at a clean wrist. I’m just over 3 weeks clean 🙂

  4. Hey Kati, i know the DSM is the main reference for some psychiatrists for diagnosis and maybe unified tratement reasons….but its ofen criticised for sitgmatizing and labeling people as "mentally ill", and not looking out for ethnicity not sexual or gender identities…so its very limitied in that area. What do you think about this? The WHO and many many profesionals in the mental heal area have talked about this and also have offered different positions about the effects that has the DSM on society, taking in account aswell the huge economial impact that this has (health mongering). Check out this new therapeutic tool: https://www1.bps.org.uk/system/files/user-files/Division%20of%20Clinical%20Psychology/public/INF299%20PTM%20overview%20web.pdf

    Keep up the good work, and sorry for the bad english. Greetings from Spain!

  5. Hey thanks for your information on cutting. I was born with a brain injury and depression. I was molested by my older brother and older aunt which made me really depressed. I can say that it’s almost been ten years since I cut my self. Now I am seeing a psychiatrist and therapist also. I’m am also gay and for the first time I feel really happy. I don’t care what people say or think about me for being gay and coming out of the closet. Everyone take care. 🤗✌️❤️

  6. I have an Anxiety Disorder and PTSD. The urge to cut again has returned recently because my of my Verbally abusive uncle.
    It also stems from my sister now denying me time with my niece and nephew, due to my mental health. I have NEVER given her reason to make this decision. My nephew is now 1 month old, and I haven't been allowed to hold him yet. She even became angry when I visited her in the hospital. My niece and nephew are my entire world, and my niece who is 2 has definitely kept me from attempting suicide.
    This makes now even harder. I'm really struggling, but if anyone finds out, I will lose my niece and nephew forever. I need help but cannot ask for it. I go to therapy, but my mom always comes with and takes over the appointment. Everything just hurts.

  7. I stopped 7 years ago (though I did use rubber bands some time after I stopped) but I still feel the craving from time to time and have to stop myself even now, so many years later
    But to me it's been more about punishment, if I'd done something stupid or something that I felt I shouldn't have done. I'm really annoyed by the scars now because I have to hide them all the time, which is frustrating because I dont really care anymore, but other people seem to do. After 5 years in therapy my need to do it was not as intense, which is why I stopped doing it, but it's still there, as I said, the need is just easier to turn down

  8. my therapist is the best. i cut myself 3 times, 2 times in upper shoulder, and 1 time in my schest till bleeding, i e-mailed my therapist right away. next day i came in and we talked about it. i have my knife next to me for 3 months now. i never touched it. it such a weird stage when you decide to try it, and it feels good, even you know its bad. but now i have my knife nearby, so i CAN do it, but whenever i want. next time i did it, i e-mailed again instantly. my therapist called right away and settled it. now never did it again after those 3times. it is so weird to see it afterwards. Depression is hell, but you have acces to the stairway to heaven(happines). but it has a lot of steps. Thanks Katy for extra info in my therapy!

  9. I started self-harming way back when I was 16, I'm 24 now and it's still a big problem for me. My school lacked counselling resources and my parents were at a loss as to how to stop me doing it. I get unrelenting intrusive thoughts that I've become so used to dealing with by self-medicating or harming that I've essentially moved from one method of harm to another for years. I use various therapy techniques (DBT skills have been the most successful so far), but it's all too easy to lapse back to the source of quick relief. The strongest piece of advice I could give is if you are a young person and you are having thoughts of self-harm, or maybe you've started dabbling in it – get help NOW. Speak to a counsellor or your GP, someone who won't freak out about it but can offer help. You may feel that your behaviour isn't 'serious' enough to warrant seeing a professional, but it is. This isn't the suffering olympics, any degree of self-harm is serious because it's addictive and it is very likely to escalate beyond what you currently view as 'not bad enough'.

  10. Her voice indicates training or possibly even a degree but she has no fucking clue what cutting really is or why we do it. No offense and if your ultimate goal is to help people do more research talk to people that do it and maybe even do it yourself to see what you feel like.

  11. I am trying to recover from cutting, and I’m afraid I may develop an eating disorder. My family says I need to start watching my figure. I watch the seven facts about eating disorders helps to keep me from doing that

  12. Something that actuslly helped me is a notebook where I write every beautiful thing people have said to me, it helps

  13. I'm not exactly sure why I do but to help, I ended up telling my friend in a moment of anger whilst she was online and she does to so basically I always asks and she asks back. If I lie, I feel bad so I end up coming clean. It does help, even if I didn't really want to

  14. I tend to cut because I have an extremely bad reaction to certain sounds and I find the pain calms me down and distracts me. Sometimes holding an ice cube helps me or stabbing something like cardboard with a pen helps.

  15. I will admit i do self halm ei cutting myself with a razure on my arms. I feel like the cutting is releasing the anger.

  16. I self harm coz of everyday when i wake up and i look in the mirrer and i see an old man looking back at me with sagging eyes and i see wrinkles and uglyness. Im 42yrs old and i have a bad fear of getting old. It makes me feel sick. I wanna die befor i get old . And i dont trust any1 since my wife left me. Now i also have trust isues.

  17. I used to consider self harm as a diary and when I am about to do it I always have to ask myself is this really that bad? If it isnt a good enough reason to cut then I would feel weak for cutting for stupid little shit. That helps me from cutting.

  18. thank you for your videos. I haven't cut in many years, I only wished I had gotten help sooner. I found that having a safer outlet for my anger really helpful. I always worried about showing anger so directed it at myself but there are lots of safer ways, art and excersise works for me. it gets better and scars heal.

  19. I self harm because i know i deserve the pain. Ive been bullied almost my whole life, by friends and my own family. They taught me that i deserve pain. That i am worthless. Just something to kick around. I know its true. Im not a good person. Im not nice, im not pretty, im not funny, im not exciting, entertaining or anything that people want around. Im the gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe. Im annoying, and the only reason im not 6 feet under is because of the guilt.

  20. I used to cut in middle school.
    I had no friends, the kids in my school were awful to me. I just felt awful all the time. I cut to try not to think about how bad I felt.
    When I finally started to make friends and things started to get better I slowly stopped.

  21. I struggle with self-harm for 5 years now. My mom is an alcoholic and my dad was nearly working all day to like get the money in. My mother or birthgiver what I like to call her was very toxic. She like bullied me. For doing stuff wrong, eating too much etc. I also got bullied in school and when both got together and got to bad to bear, I tried put cutting for the first time. It was a release. But it was more like " people are saying you are this and this and this. So you deserve the pain, you deserve to suffer, you are not worth a thing". I used self-harm either for punishing myself, numbing feelings or letting everything out. I'm in recovery from cutting but the behaviour is not completely gone. It just changed into other things now. So yeah this is my experience

  22. I’m glad that I found this video because I’m trying to quit cutting and it’s been really hard and it’s only been a week

  23. I engaged in cutting for four years. I don't cut now, but I cause pain in other ways. There was a point in time when my only friend found out about it and told everyone in the school, and they started saying "emo," "die," and made a joke in class of "oops, I cut myself" anytime scissors were used. One girl gave me a really supportive note, then turned around and told her friends that cutting is just to seek attention. This was all in middle school (8th grade). People didn't really understand it, nor did they try to. So I'm going to explain why I was self-harming.

    To me… cutting was done was for the blood and evidence of my emotional pain, hitting (and bruising) myself was for the pain, and all the other things I did was for an escape. I wanted to feel something, to not feel, and to get away from what was happening in my life. There was just so much pain. Self-harming provided control to which helped manage the pain. I did it to feel, to not feel, and to get away.

    But with that said, it's something I never should have started doing. I look at my arm sometimes and I cry. The scarring, discoloration, possible nerve damage. It wasn't worth control. If you've never hurt yourself, please don't ever start. It's addicting.

  24. The f***! I freaked out. At like 8:44 there's a flash of like black sg coming from the upper right corner. I had to rewatch it to make sure it wasn'twasn't tjust me

  25. I just started cutting. I feel so alone and I'm scared to be lonely. I keep finding faults about myself like I'm fat and annoying to be around I don't know what to do

  26. This affects people of ALL ages … I’m 50 and sometimes struggle with cutting. The first time I wanted to cut I was 37yrs.

    My boyfriend recently told me to kill myself in an argument we where having and I can’t get that out of my head. I’m not going to … I just can’t believe he said that to me.

  27. I know that this is an old video but I'd still like to share my story if that's okay

    I have lost a lot of friends over my selfharm behaviour. and in a way, that made it even worse. It is an addiction, and they were threatening me to leave if I wouldn't stop doing it. But I kept doing it anyways because I needed it to cope with everything. When they left, I felt alone and worthless and so kept hurting myself.
    When I got in a relationship, my boyfriend was just now clean from it himself, and he was a big support to me. Feeling loved by him motivated me to stop cutting, and with a lot of effort and almost daily struggles, I managed to stay clean for 2 years.
    I thought that I was over it, over the addiction. Oh how wrong I was. After being in a relationship for 2,5 years, I broke up with him and that was almost harder to do than staying clean. Halfway in the relationship my depression came back again and almost harder than ever, and when I broke up, I felt so extremely alone and abandoned.
    I felt really guilty the first time I picked up my blades again, but the bruising and biting just didn't help anymore. It felt as if all my hard work was for nothing, and after breaking those 2 years, what was left? Now I am struggling once more with this horrible behavior and I hate every moment of it.
    Unfortunately a lot of people fail to see the addictive part of it. I experience it the same way a drug addict would. When I don't do it for a while, my skin starts aching and I get irritated, nervous and all. It's not that I don't want to stop, I literally can't.

  28. I know this is an old video but I just saw it. I really don't know why I cut, I don't really want anyone to see and I don't even have to be down to cut. It's like I can have the best day in my life but yet cut.

  29. Okay this is an old video and his will probably get lost in the comments; but here’s is somebody who is 4 years clean. I’m currently working on tattoos and sleeves to cover up my scars, which really helps the recovery process. Instead of cutting those places, I think about what tattoo I’m going to get there.

  30. Hi Kati, Love the videos keep it up! I am currently going through a relapse of self harm, specifically cutting, and thought I would share my take on it, for what holds true to me. I won't get into my history yada yada but long story short is, I am emotional numb, a lot. Most days are mangable, I can get through my day, put on a smile, and even sometimes find some happiness and enjoy myself. But there are days, when I get numb, really numb, I can't feel anything, my legs tingle, my arms tingle, I usually have a giant pit in my stomach, and i just feel so dissociated from everything and everyone. On these days, i usually end up cutting. It grounds me, brings me back, I feel something.. Just thought I would share, again, love the videos, they've actually helped me out a lot tonight, so thank you.

  31. I've self harmed for over 10 years (I'm currently 22) and have recently been slipping up. What has been helpful especially as we head into the holidays here in the US, is art work. I'm DIY'ING Christmas, with color dye, water, and dish soap. It takes my mind off wanting to cut. Crank up the music and have at it! Then when you're finished, go buy some photo frames at the Dollar Store and write positive and empowering quotes on the bubble art work, cut them to size in the frames, and give some of them gifts.

  32. I have been self harming for almost 4 years now and it's such a hard thing to give up I do try so much the most I've ever gone is 6 months but ended up relapsing

  33. I am 40 and struggle soooooo much with this. Thank you for making this video. It is a hard thing to walk away from.

  34. Its like a release to me. Like I can finally BREATH and my head becomes clear and it lifts the fog. Its the best feeling after a ruff day and when I look at the cuts it looks beautiful to me. I usually do it on my hips so no one can see, but sometimes I slip up and do it on my arms which is harder to keep secret. Its kinda weird I want someone to know and help me but i dont want my family to know or the people I hold close to me. And after I do it sometimes the next day i feel sick at myself. I dont know its a crazy thing

  35. I had no idea other people were so much like me. Everything you said in this video was exactly my life. Thank you so much for what you do.

  36. this is me so much. i am right now using the workbook journal called Rewrite the journey from self-harm to healing by Benjamin sledge it really has some good things in it. to think about when it comes to self harm. thank you for your videos they help so much also.

  37. It’s an itch, like a low-grade buzz in the background of everything that’s going on. I stayed clean for years but nothing really gets rid of that itch. I’ve always self-harmed and I’m sure I always will, whether I want to or not, and I’m not sure that I’m unhappy about that.

  38. ive been having a lot of bad feels lately, then learned a secret about some one i thought i could trust, and it explains why they have been giving me all these bad feelings lately. so i cut my self a few times just as a desperate cry for help, and tried to break my hand punching things. ( this i all me the son and my father issues) already made an appointment to talk to a therapist. this isnt something i thought about doing. it just happened, over 45 minuets or so. then i snapped back to reality and said to my self "what did i just do. why did i just do that. i do feel better now, but that kind of scares me. i need help"

  39. Yeah it's hard to get over. The thought is always in the back of your mind, even when you recover. It becomes stronger when you have bad days or anything bad happen to you. I don't like it, but sometimes I do admit that I give in for no reason.

  40. Self harm is an interesting concept. I never cut myself, but when I boxed in Florida I used to invite some guys to hit me. I would drop my defense and let them hit me. I wouldn’t do that much because didn’t want to suffer mental damage. I wanted to silence my consciousness, even though I knew it wouldn’t do anything other then hurt me. I never had dietary issues because I needed my energy and strength to work. I frequently worked hard to try channeling those emotions and frustrations I felt when I was dealing with my issues. My problems are never expressed. I never told people I was hurting myself with my boxing 🥊. I would take the punches and try to fight the punch and force of the punch with my will. I found comfort in defeating the impact of the punch. When the punches didn’t drop or hurt me, I became arrogant and cocky. I absorbed all these thoughts and emotions and compressed them into my thoughts and emotions. I compress a lot. I don’t really know what benefits I ultimately got. I used my physical and mental strength to challenge the physical world. I guess I learned that harming myself only really hurts my ability to heal and think about other solutions. I used self harm to build self confidence and control over my emotions and how I vent them. I still feel like I want to hurt myself but I also know that I cannot engage in self harm behavior because it doesn’t help me or anyone else.

  41. That's true, it is really not a choice. Neither having an eating disorder nor selfharming. Unfortunately I'm struggeling with both of them for years now and I wish everyone with the same problems all the best to beat it ❤️

  42. I have an extreme phobic response to blood (fainting and/or panic attacks), and even just watching this video made me feel squeamish. What I’ve always had trouble explaining to therapists (and processing myself) is how I got involved in self-harm when I was at my lowest point. What you said about why people cut and why it isn’t scary in that moment is helping me to realize that there was that feeling of being in control of it that made it almost cathartic. Like you said, I didn’t feel afraid like I do when I accidentally injure myself or see someone else get injured because I was in control. I’m wondering now how common this is..to be so squeamish but to struggle with self-harm.

  43. I go through phases with my cutting. I can sometimes go 6 months between episodes and I think I'm clean. Then
    suddenly I'll have a relapse where I start cutting for around 1 week.
    Also, I have to carry a knife everywhere I go just in case I need to cut.
    Is this normal for us when we self harm?

  44. I was told that when you hurt yourself your brain tries to calm you down so that your blood isn't pumping that fast around your body (therefore you loose less blood) apparently this is why it makes you feel calm…knowing this actually helped me so much because then it encouraged me to find something else that calmed me and made me feel the same way… Not gonna lie it was a long process finding what worked for me! After so long of looking I found that playing or teaching my self keyboard is what did it for me.

  45. For me what helped with self harm was doing DBT behavior chain analysis and thinking about other behaviors/skill to use to prevent myself from escalating and remembering to implement them as much as possible when I noticed it

  46. For me my pain made me feel like that was a thing I could deal with. Everything else I couldn't but that stopped me and put into the real how I felt in a way that I had power over. I don't anymore but when I did I didn't have people to talk to or trust fully in that way. (Even my mom who I love I didn't want to make her sad or get her worried. She knows now but back then I didn't want to burden anyone with my mess. I wish I would have told her sooner. She's my rock and I needed to have better faith.) Now that I do, they help me a lot to work out the thoughts in my head. That way I don't spiral. Mine is OCD related. I didn't tell people until years after I recovered on my own. Part of that was opening up and learning that my friends want me to tell them about me. They aren't scared and can handle it. They saved me. ^_^

  47. I always wanted to self-harm I always had the urge. Eventually when I tried to get my parents to help and they did not give me quite enough to help me get out of my slowly increasing high functioning depression that is still not diagnosed I had to start. (I had this going on for 4 to 5 years so far) I knew it was not good but I needed something for support. I went to self harm one of the weirdest ways you could probably think of. Stabbing a business card's corner into my upper leg or shoulder and sliding it across sort of cutting my skin. I now need more most days. Please don't do it if you can help it. One of the worst parts of my situation is now I can't trust my parents and have to keep it inside for a little more than 2 years until I am 18 even if I do get proper help and a therapist.

  48. I just found out today that my beautiful 15 yr old niece has been doing this. Thank you Katie! This was very helpful! Love to all of you out there struggling with this! ❤❤❤❤

  49. Mine was mixed. Sometimes I was so sick of the emotional pain and discomfort that cutting was a release, something I could control (unlike the sistuation). Other times I felt like I was numb and couldn't feel anything. Cutting then was proof I still could feel. Overall for me it was tied to having very intense emotions from sistuations I couldn't control, and didn't have a healthy way of coping with. Thankfully I have gotten help and haven't cut in over a year. I dont really talk with people about it, but that is mainly because I want to make sure I have a healthy way of dealing with things. As well as, I dont want it to be the focus of who I am. It is a part of me, but not who I am. Some people, who have never self harmed, can make that a prime focus.

  50. I've been drawing lines that looks like cuts that are blood red colors to trick my mind and it helps distract me from actually cutting

  51. I’ve had the tendencies my whole life— I’ve always done things like pinching myself and digging my nails into my skin— but it wasn’t until 8th grade when I started really doing it (like actually cutting). I think I do it as like… a punishment, almost. like..I feel such self-hatred that I want to make myself feel pain

  52. I have never thought of it as a comfort to me. I am 46 and so ashamed. It hit me when you said it comforts me. It does. How sad.

  53. I was hospitalized and when I was discharged, I started attending an awesome outpatient PHP program (partial hospitalization).This led me to get my cutting under control. I received a lot of support from this.

  54. I don’t understand when you said people cut to relive the pain of sexual abuse. Why would someone want to reexperience this horrible experience ?

  55. Hey guys I have been free of cutting for 5 months and I have recently started again. How did you get through cutting

  56. I don't condone self harming either. However, I have just had a major coping mechanism taken away from me this weekend and I am trying not to do it. But I am losing hope.

  57. How do I know I have an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, etc? I stopped eating breakfast YEARS ago, then about 2 years ago I stopped eating lunch at school, now I bearly eat anything for dinner. If my parents ask me why I say, "I'm full, I had a big lunch." I never feel hungry though. When I look in the mirror I hate my body. I've been cutting for about 3 years. I told my dad about my cutting, but he hasn't done anything. He says, "Stop it's just a phase." and if I ever start crying he says, "Why are you crying?" and I say, "IDK why." (I really don't know. I just feel sad all the time.) Then he says…"If you cry one more time you're grounded, crying isn't allowed." I think I might have anxiety as well. I don't really talk to my mom that often… but I know she has BAD anxiety. She gets panic attacks ALL THE TIME. I think that I get panic attacks aswell. Randomly, I won't be able to breathe. It feels like my lungs are being sucked up by a vacuum. I start crying and all of my bad memories come rushing at me. I just want to talk to someone. Preferably online therapy. I hate talking to people IRL. Large groups of people "triggers" my so-called "panic attacks." If anyone has any suggestions for FREE online therapy PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave suggestions. I've been looking and they all need a credit card. 🙁 I told my dad that I would like counseling but he thinks that I over exaggerate.

  58. I do it because it suppresses emotional pain. Most of the time I feel better after cutting. I don't cut often though… I do get a bit concerned that people assume I do it for attention lol. I usually hide it until it's fully healed… It does leave minor scars though.

    Mostly, I drink coffee when I'm feeling bad. Anything caffeinated makes me feel better for whatever reason. I've drank alcohol and smoked weed, but found it disgusting…

  59. I’ve never thoughts of it that way but in a way that makes sense… recreating an emotional pain, probably because I sometimes feel used to hurt, as if it’s all I deserve and am meant for. I’ve been in therapy for about a year now and rarely if ever cut now but yeah it’s still a reoccurring thought/want. I’ve never had an eating disorder as far as I know, but I have considered starving as a form of self harm. I never follow through though because I know ALL types of self harm are addictive, and will inevitably make me worse… it may give me a “release” temporarily, but like drugs and other highs, the lows leave you worse than before. So that stops me a lot… especially because I also struggle with suicidal thoughts sometimes so I have to avoid self harming as it makes me feel worse overall, and can trigger me even more towards suicidal thinking… I know not all cutters are suicidal, but for me particularly, it makes me feel like I hate myself, which makes me want to disappear, which makes me suicidal… and it’s whole spiral. And since I don’t want to commit suicide and end up hurting others or going against my own beliefs, in God, then I’d rather find better ways to deal with my emotions. Other coping skills may take longer to work, but they are also longer lasting… I try to keep that in mind.

  60. When I cut it feels like I can breathe again. I feel like crap when I don’t cut. But I have been working so hard to stop and usually what helps me is to hold myself as though I was hugging my self and tell myself I don’t need to cut anymore and that I am helping myself in the long run. Of course everyone re lapses and it can be really hard, and it is a constant fight against the urge to do it.

  61. I wish I had the courage to show this video to everyone I know or have known that why maybe they could see things differently then they do as attention seeking or suicidal. I personally have never met another self harm person so no one understands

  62. After being clean for years now and very rarely thinking about it, watching this back brought back some emotions I didn't know I had been repressing. I didn't realise how much I needed to hear a professional understand it and explain how the shame of it can be so debilitating. So thank you Kati for helping me now, years down the line after pulling myself out of it, understand even better what I was going through.

  63. What's been really hard for me to come to terms with is that it's so addicting. I've been clean for a while now, but the temptation never seems to go away…and it really is how you say it is, it has a lot of parallels with binges. It just puts a stop to this really big negative emotion I have no idea how to deal with. And it gives you some sort of a high too. Stay strong everybody.

  64. Sometimes it is about the bleeding. Like how it was considered medicinal a few centuries ago, called "blood letting." Trying to let out a disease or poison. Sometimes it's more painful than what you're actually experiencing in life. Kinda like how tattoos are described as "addictive." But unlike tattoos, I do hide it.
    Does anyone else feel like I do?

  65. I’m a college student and my mental health has been declining for the past year. I have been using self harm as an outlet to unleash my frustration towards school more this semester than any other semester. My doctor found out about it and she told my therapist. I ended up dropping my classes this semester because I was getting to the point where I was failing my classes despite the hard work I put in and eventually stopped doing the work required to pass my classes. My doctor and therapist recommended me to drop my classes. My doctor even wrote a letter and sent it to the dean at my school explaining why I needed to drop classes. Right now, I have a job in my college town working about 20 hours a week and I am still able to play my instruments in my university wind ensemble and pep band. I’m so happy with life right now. I haven’t cut myself in 2 weeks!

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