We’re NOT Eating Peanuts

We’re NOT Eating Peanuts


Okay. I have a peanut allergy. Welcome to whatever this video is. Uhh- I was thinking about stuff today and I was like, I wanna do a video where I try out a bunch of like, Peanut-Free candy that I couldn’t have as a kid Or Peanut-Free versions of the candy I couldn’t have as a kid FOR BACKSTORY: If you didn’t know, Hi, I’ll talk to this one for a second- I have a very severe peanut allergy. Incredibly severe. I can die from one 500th of a peanut. So if you didn’t understand that, Take one peanut You chop it up into 500 pieces I eat one of those 500, And I *DIE* I’m in the grave, 6 feet under the ground, forever gone *EXTREME O-FACE* So that’s my life (Pretty sad, bro) Uhh- so my entire life, I’ve been AVOIDING peanuts and Peanut Butter and Peanut products BUT, In recent years, they’ve done a lot to try and Uhh- Change.. that? *Ethan.exe has encountered a fatal error* Not change me not eating it but, Put out stuff that I CAN eat 😀 *tap tap tap tap* Like these things. *smack smack smack* None of these- *internal plastic jar screaming* Are peanut butter. *deceased jar noises* But they are- *they’re already dead* Peanut butter- *plastic jar genocide* Substitutes. Wow. When I was a kid, I had so many so- eh THAT’S FUNNY I had so many SOYNUT butter sandwiches I couldn’t find Soynut Butter ANYWHERE. Um there’s different kinds of Substitutes for *NUT* butter One of the most popular ones Is ALMOND Butter Which I have right here. This is Almond Butter that I actually eat A lot. Uh- But then there are other.. substitutes. This is also Almond Butter- Like this, *SUNBUTTER* *WOW* Look at that! *unenthusiastically* Wow, look at that. Or.. *visual disgust* Uh, Pecan Butter? Or “Puh-kaan” Butter, something like that- See, there’s not a ton of different substitutes. The only other ones that really.. happen- Sunbutter which I have here and then Soybutter. So really I didn’t- I just didn’t find soybutter. All of these, there were a ton of different ones And I was gonna try and get every single one and try it. But, Like Barney Butter here. (So that’s how Barney ended.) Really like Barney Butter. Uh it says on it: “Allergy Statement: Made in a Peanut-Free facility” “Made in a facility that also processes Coconut” “What we keep out: the Top 8 Allergens” Peanuts is one of the Top 8 Allergens. So all of these say on there somewhere that they don’t process anything with peanuts or that they’re me- made in a completely Peanut-Free facility There are a bunch of other ones that didn’t say that- I don’t wanna *die* So uh, I’m not going to try any of those. But, if I DO die from any of these, Or if I have an allergic reaction Maybe I can sue a company! Because they- made a false claim. Before we get into it, let me have a little story-time. Which has to do with what I just talked about. The first time that I ever had an allergic reaction Was when I was in 7th grade and I had an Odwalla Protein Shake. Nowhere on it did it say that it had peanuts in it or was made in a facility that processes peanuts or anything like that. So I had one of those shakes And I had an anaphylactic reaction. I almost died, LITERALLY I stopped breathing. Until my dad gave me the EpiPen. So I ALMOST died. We thought that maybe I’d had something else that day. I didn’t because it was the first thing in the morning and it was the only thing I’d eaten(?).
(Drank?) BUTT We went back to my allergist and we tested my body ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) for all of the ingredients that were listed. I didn’t react to any of them. And then we tested it on.. *slight pause* ..one: the rest of the shake that I’d reacted from. And a completely new shake.. ..and I reacted to those. So, I dunno why we didn’t *chuckling* sue Odwalla. Maybe we should’ve, I don’t know. Um, but.. I’m watching you, Odwalla, if you have a peanut allergy, Don’t.. drink their protein shakes. Cuz ya might die. *STOP IT THEY’RE ALREADY DEAD* *OH GOD, THE TERROR IN THEIR EYES* *AAAAAAAA* *high-pitched voice*
Let’s get into it, shall we? *spoon noises* Uh- So I didn- *spoon noises* I didn’t really have a- maybe I should grab some water as a palette cleanser. That would be good. *water ASMR intensifying* Mmm~ L.A. tap water~ Tastes like pennies. I was gonna say “save the best for last” Which- what I would assume is the best for last. This is my favorite, this is Barney Butter. Should I- eat it on this one? I’m just gonna try a lil- a lil taste. This is the smooth. The- we have the chunky here as well. But that’s not the one that I’m eating. *sensual mouth noises* Mhm. *lick* Pretty good. It’s pretty.. *NORMAL™️* I dunno. It’s not like, super salty. Or anything like that. *SPOON NOISES* Pretty average, pretty normal. Y’know what I should’ve done- Was ask somebody to come in here that knows what Peanut Butter tastes like “Do you wanna come over and try peanut-free peanut butter?” E: *laughing* That’s how this video’s gonna start. M: I thought you already started.
E: I did. M: *inaudible* You should- you should start it with you and then suddenly I’m here. E: Yeah.
M: Do a magic, like- *snap* like M: “Boink” I’m here with like-
E: *snap, snap* M: Action Essentials.
E: *CLAP* M: Explosion and smoke.
E: *blows* *Ethan’s clap fucking destroys his entire household and creates Action Essentials 2* E: OHH. E: Wow.
M: Here I am. E: There you are.
M: I’ve been summoned. E: Magic Mark. M: That’s me. E: Alright. So I realized When I started doing the taste test, I was like, “I’ve never had peanut butter before!” I have no idea what it tastes like! This is just gonna be a taste test! I guess it’s still gonna be a taste test. But YOU know. When was the last time you had peanut butter? M: Well.. A month ago. Probably.
E: A month ago? E: You still remember the taste though.
M: Oh yeah, yeah. E: You remember.
M: I’m a peanut butter expert. E: All-right. Yeah, you did the-
M: So making this lower third- M: Hi, I’m Mark. Peanut Butter Expert. Yeah, pretty cool, right? (That’s debatable.) E: So we have Sunbutter. We have.. Raw “Puh-kaan” Butter.
M: Uh-huh. E: We have *smooth* Almond Butter from Maisie Jane’s.
M: Uh-huh. E: We’ve got Granola Butter.
M: Uh-huh. E: We have Almond Butter from.. Barney Butter.
M: Uh-huh. E: We’ve got Almond Butter with Cocoa and Coconut. We’ve got Raw Walnut Butter. And we’ve got the crunchy. The only one that I couldn’t find was the stuff that I had as a kid which was Soy Butter. There we go, does any- Does any one of them peak your fancy? M: We’ll I’ve had that before.
E: Okay. M: But that’s the only one of these I’ve had. E: Okay, so let’s- because I already tried this And I tried this. M: Uh-huh. *clear visual disgust* E: I think we need to mix it up because I-
M: Ah, no that’s- E: I just peeled off the- *inaudible* M: Supposed to sip off the top of that. M: Supposed to just give it a nice little- E: *laughing* You don’t have to. *lip smacking ASMR * M: Not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. E: Mix that up, and try it. M: NO E: Also try the- Okay. Well try this. M: Alright. E: Because you have to. you have to- M: A Base Line E: Mhm. E: mmM? M: Good. M: Very close to peanut butter. E: Very Close? M: I mean, you can tell it’s not peanut butter.
E: Mhm M: But, texture wise, like, that’s a great substitute E: If you had to give like uhhh… What’s the difference between this and peanut butter? E: What’s it missing?
M: It’s really- it’s really just the flavor. M: It’s not missing anything except the flavor. *laughing*
E: Isn’t that most of it. M: Look- Who’s the peanut butter expert here?! M: Okay, alright-
E: Well, I mean like, E: The only other thing would be the- the texture. M: You ever- You ever *CUM* *laughing* M: That’s what peanut butter’s like.
(I’m uh- not too sure about that-) M: That’s what it’s missing. E: Should we shake these? E: Do you *shake* peanut butter? E: Peanut butter doesn’t really have a lot of *juice* in it. M: Uhh- it depends on the peanut butter your getting. M: The reason that peanut butters don’t ser- Separate is because they have immolsifiers in them. Like soy leth- Lecith- Lethi- LeCThiThIN- E: “Lethithin?”
M: Lecithin, yeah.

100 thoughts on “We’re NOT Eating Peanuts

  1. 1: im very sorry that my camera decided to focus on the containers and not our faces
    2: can we hit 1 billion likes.

    thank you

  2. Uh Mark. Have you ever tried a peanut? You know, the nut? The nut itself.
    It's delicious.
    Crunchy peanut butter is the best, and even better the less processed it is. Period, end of discussion!

    If I wanted synthetics I'd just eat my T-shirt your shirt or something

  3. I feel you on the allergies. I couldn't try most if those non peanut butters. Not only am I deathly allergic to peanuts, but tree nuts as well.

  4. I don't have a peanut allergy but the rest of my family does…but all of us have an almond allergy so most peanut substitutes will still murder us.

  5. Teacher: What do you wanna be when you grow up?
    Mark: * raises hand *
    Teacher: Mark, being a peanut butter expert is not a job…
    Mark: * slowly puts hand down *

  6. This hurts to watch, I feel so uncomfortable, cuz all this looks way too much like peanut butter over the video, and I am near it, and Ethan is eating it… >_< I don't like ittt

  7. I can't freaking stand peanut butter. Almond butter however, is delightful. Don't think I've ever tried anything else though.

  8. I apparently really like videos with calm Ethan! I had no idea! ^^
    Also at 13:39, Marks voice is so god damn deep my speakers just rumble. I have no Idea what he's saying! I need subtitles! x'D

  9. I actually remember A LOT of people having super bad allergic reactions to Odwalla products while I was in high school

  10. Hey, allergy gang! I get a physical reaction to any type of gluten. I get gross blisters and secondary infections on my hands and feet.

    For you, I recommend pistachio butter. I like to eat it straight outta the jar because bread issues. So I reccomend that!

  11. it's dumb that people who are allergic to peanuts have to pay up to $10 per jar for a substitute meanwhile peanut butter can be as cheap as $1 a jar

  12. I like that he didn't put, "With Markiplier" in the title, (even though he put him in the thumbnail you wouldnt be able to search for mark and find this vid) He knows he can do this without helppp

  13. I was on my high school swim team with a guy that was allergic to peanuts. Once at a meet someone brought those nature valley granola bars and he grabbed one. I was like dude, it says it may contain peanuts." And he looks me straight in the eye and goes "may" and then takes a huge bite.

  14. 12:46 no a Better thing you fill the epie pens with the peanut butter liquid like the stuff on top and then when he uses it he is for sure dead

    I don’t know how to spell epie you pen oof

  15. Bro i was watching this high and i was like "what ig thry recreated 2 girls 1 cup exept with penut butter"…. Imma just leve this here

  16. Trick to getting your peanut butter smooth after it has separated: store the jar upside down and stir it when you open it

  17. Sun Butter Factory worker: nice day at the factory (eats peanut butter and jelly sandwich)
    Sandwich: Falls in Sun butter container
    Worker: OOOOOOooooo its finnnnne

    Ethan: dies

  18. sees video Yay! I can finally find alternatives to nut butters I’m allergic to!

    only sees almond butters •_______•

  19. if you've never eaten something…how do you know you're allergic to it?? I'm genuinely curious…I don't know how that works

  20. Anyone else curious about Mark’s second channel? I mean, it couldn’t be the one that Unnus Annus one because he said he’d like, embed it secretly, has anyone found it?

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