Okay. I have a peanut allergy. Welcome to whatever this video is. Uhh- I was thinking about stuff today and I was like, I wanna do a video where I try out a bunch of like, Peanut-Free candy that I couldn’t have as a kid Or Peanut-Free versions of the candy I couldn’t have as a kid FOR BACKSTORY: If you didn’t know, Hi, I’ll talk to this one for a second- I have a very severe peanut allergy. Incredibly severe. I can die from one 500th of a peanut. So if you didn’t understand that, Take one peanut You chop it up into 500 pieces I eat one of those 500, And I *DIE* I’m in the grave, 6 feet under the ground, forever gone *EXTREME O-FACE* So that’s my life (Pretty sad, bro) Uhh- so my entire life, I’ve been AVOIDING peanuts and Peanut Butter and Peanut products BUT, In recent years, they’ve done a lot to try and Uhh- Change.. that? *Ethan.exe has encountered a fatal error* Not change me not eating it but, Put out stuff that I CAN eat 😀 *tap tap tap tap* Like these things. *smack smack smack* None of these- *internal plastic jar screaming* Are peanut butter. *deceased jar noises* But they are- *they’re already dead* Peanut butter- *plastic jar genocide* Substitutes. Wow. When I was a kid, I had so many so- eh THAT’S FUNNY I had so many SOYNUT butter sandwiches I couldn’t find Soynut Butter ANYWHERE. Um there’s different kinds of Substitutes for *NUT* butter One of the most popular ones Is ALMOND Butter Which I have right here. This is Almond Butter that I actually eat A lot. Uh- But then there are other.. substitutes. This is also Almond Butter- Like this, *SUNBUTTER* *WOW* Look at that! *unenthusiastically* Wow, look at that. Or.. *visual disgust* Uh, Pecan Butter? Or “Puh-kaan” Butter, something like that- See, there’s not a ton of different substitutes. The only other ones that really.. happen- Sunbutter which I have here and then Soybutter. So really I didn’t- I just didn’t find soybutter. All of these, there were a ton of different ones And I was gonna try and get every single one and try it. But, Like Barney Butter here. (So that’s how Barney ended.) Really like Barney Butter. Uh it says on it: “Allergy Statement: Made in a Peanut-Free facility” “Made in a facility that also processes Coconut” “What we keep out: the Top 8 Allergens” Peanuts is one of the Top 8 Allergens. So all of these say on there somewhere that they don’t process anything with peanuts or that they’re me- made in a completely Peanut-Free facility There are a bunch of other ones that didn’t say that- I don’t wanna *die* So uh, I’m not going to try any of those. But, if I DO die from any of these, Or if I have an allergic reaction Maybe I can sue a company! Because they- made a false claim. Before we get into it, let me have a little story-time. Which has to do with what I just talked about. The first time that I ever had an allergic reaction Was when I was in 7th grade and I had an Odwalla Protein Shake. Nowhere on it did it say that it had peanuts in it or was made in a facility that processes peanuts or anything like that. So I had one of those shakes And I had an anaphylactic reaction. I almost died, LITERALLY I stopped breathing. Until my dad gave me the EpiPen. So I ALMOST died. We thought that maybe I’d had something else that day. I didn’t because it was the first thing in the morning and it was the only thing I’d eaten(?).
(Drank?) BUTT We went back to my allergist and we tested my body ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) for all of the ingredients that were listed. I didn’t react to any of them. And then we tested it on.. *slight pause* ..one: the rest of the shake that I’d reacted from. And a completely new shake.. ..and I reacted to those. So, I dunno why we didn’t *chuckling* sue Odwalla. Maybe we should’ve, I don’t know. Um, but.. I’m watching you, Odwalla, if you have a peanut allergy, Don’t.. drink their protein shakes. Cuz ya might die. *STOP IT THEY’RE ALREADY DEAD* *OH GOD, THE TERROR IN THEIR EYES* *AAAAAAAA* *high-pitched voice*
Let’s get into it, shall we? *spoon noises* Uh- So I didn- *spoon noises* I didn’t really have a- maybe I should grab some water as a palette cleanser. That would be good. *water ASMR intensifying* Mmm~ L.A. tap water~ Tastes like pennies. I was gonna say “save the best for last” Which- what I would assume is the best for last. This is my favorite, this is Barney Butter. Should I- eat it on this one? I’m just gonna try a lil- a lil taste. This is the smooth. The- we have the chunky here as well. But that’s not the one that I’m eating. *sensual mouth noises* Mhm. *lick* Pretty good. It’s pretty.. *NORMAL™️* I dunno. It’s not like, super salty. Or anything like that. *SPOON NOISES* Pretty average, pretty normal. Y’know what I should’ve done- Was ask somebody to come in here that knows what Peanut Butter tastes like “Do you wanna come over and try peanut-free peanut butter?” E: *laughing* That’s how this video’s gonna start. M: I thought you already started.
E: I did. M: *inaudible* You should- you should start it with you and then suddenly I’m here. E: Yeah.
M: Do a magic, like- *snap* like M: “Boink” I’m here with like-
E: *snap, snap* M: Action Essentials.
E: *CLAP* M: Explosion and smoke.
E: *blows* *Ethan’s clap fucking destroys his entire household and creates Action Essentials 2* E: OHH. E: Wow.
M: Here I am. E: There you are.
M: I’ve been summoned. E: Magic Mark. M: That’s me. E: Alright. So I realized When I started doing the taste test, I was like, “I’ve never had peanut butter before!” I have no idea what it tastes like! This is just gonna be a taste test! I guess it’s still gonna be a taste test. But YOU know. When was the last time you had peanut butter? M: Well.. A month ago. Probably.
E: A month ago? E: You still remember the taste though.
M: Oh yeah, yeah. E: You remember.
M: I’m a peanut butter expert. E: All-right. Yeah, you did the-
M: So making this lower third- M: Hi, I’m Mark. Peanut Butter Expert. Yeah, pretty cool, right? (That’s debatable.) E: So we have Sunbutter. We have.. Raw “Puh-kaan” Butter.
M: Uh-huh. E: We have *smooth* Almond Butter from Maisie Jane’s.
M: Uh-huh. E: We’ve got Granola Butter.
M: Uh-huh. E: We have Almond Butter from.. Barney Butter.
M: Uh-huh. E: We’ve got Almond Butter with Cocoa and Coconut. We’ve got Raw Walnut Butter. And we’ve got the crunchy. The only one that I couldn’t find was the stuff that I had as a kid which was Soy Butter. There we go, does any- Does any one of them peak your fancy? M: We’ll I’ve had that before.
E: Okay. M: But that’s the only one of these I’ve had. E: Okay, so let’s- because I already tried this And I tried this. M: Uh-huh. *clear visual disgust* E: I think we need to mix it up because I-
M: Ah, no that’s- E: I just peeled off the- *inaudible* M: Supposed to sip off the top of that. M: Supposed to just give it a nice little- E: *laughing* You don’t have to. *lip smacking ASMR * M: Not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. E: Mix that up, and try it. M: NO E: Also try the- Okay. Well try this. M: Alright. E: Because you have to. you have to- M: A Base Line E: Mhm. E: mmM? M: Good. M: Very close to peanut butter. E: Very Close? M: I mean, you can tell it’s not peanut butter.
E: Mhm M: But, texture wise, like, that’s a great substitute E: If you had to give like uhhh… What’s the difference between this and peanut butter? E: What’s it missing?
M: It’s really- it’s really just the flavor. M: It’s not missing anything except the flavor. *laughing*
E: Isn’t that most of it. M: Look- Who’s the peanut butter expert here?! M: Okay, alright-
E: Well, I mean like, E: The only other thing would be the- the texture. M: You ever- You ever *CUM* *laughing* M: That’s what peanut butter’s like.
(I’m uh- not too sure about that-) M: That’s what it’s missing. E: Should we shake these? E: Do you *shake* peanut butter? E: Peanut butter doesn’t really have a lot of *juice* in it. M: Uhh- it depends on the peanut butter your getting. M: The reason that peanut butters don’t ser- Separate is because they have immolsifiers in them. Like soy leth- Lecith- Lethi- LeCThiThIN- E: “Lethithin?”
M: Lecithin, yeah.