You Can’t Eat Marbles – Key & Peele

You Can’t Eat Marbles – Key & Peele


Welcome to the team,
Mr. Wise. Thank you. Now, being an Arizona
Assistant State’s Attorney is an important job, one we take
very seriously. In fact, we are willing
to do anything to win. It’s my honor, sir. And I look forward to serving
the state of Arizona. Are these marbles? How’s that? I was just admiring
your container of marbles. Why, yes. My wife got them for me
as a gift… Oh. For my birthday. Which brings me
to a speech I like to give anyone
on their first day here at
the state’s attorney office of Arizona. You see…
Lady Justice is a committed woman. She’s a slippery
little scallop, as you can observe… [dramatic music] ♪ ♪ She doesn’t cook,
doesn’t clean, but what she does do,
is she’ll turn a blind eye… ♪ ♪ What is going on? What? What are you doing? Oh, uh… I don’t– The marbles, they’re just– I got to tell you,
they’re just so beautiful. I was wondering
what it would feel like to–in my mouth. Like, what would
the marbles feel like if they were in my mouth? [laughs]
That’s…you know. What? Just, you know…you know. Like, just what would
it feel like if there were just kind of
a whole ton of marbles in my–in my face. Well, don’t do that. Just… Just don’t do that. Yeah, yeah, of course,
of course. What am I doing over here? I mean, that’s a thing
that a child would do, it is. You were saying? I was saying
that Lady Justice, she just stands there
in my office, looking at me. ♪ ♪ Hey! Forget the marbles, boy! Spit the marbles out,
please. There you go. [marbles clacking] Well… All right. Ah– [marble clacks] How many–really? Do you have any– [marble rolling] [stomps] I’m gonna wait
for the last– I’m assuming there’s– Yeah. I know there’s another one
in there. – Nope.
– All right. I am so–I’m–they’re just
so beautiful. I can’t–
it’s just these marbles. I got to tell you. You obviously don’t
take this job very seriously. I do, sir. It’s just these
particular marbles. I just needed to feel what they felt like
in my mouth. I don’t know what is wrong
with me. You know we do serious
business here, right? Yes, I do know that. I’m 100% aware of that. ‘Cause I’ve forgotten
where I was. You were saying that Justice is a dumb, blind, old lady.
I heard every word. Yes–no! She’s not dumb. But she is blind. She’s reminiscent
of Kerry Washington in her prime. ♪ ♪ Good God. [muffled shouting] [muffled yelping] [muffled shouting] [coughing] [choking] [muffled groaning] [choking] [marbles clattering] [atmospheric choral music] ♪ ♪ [intercom beeps] Janice, send in
the cleanup crew. Another one fell
for the marble trick. [chuckling] [humming]

100 thoughts on “You Can’t Eat Marbles – Key & Peele

  1. This guy is weird. He's acting like it's candy. Sticking marbles in his mouth. He keeps going back to them. What's wrong with this dude 😂😂😂😂😂

  2. Not gonna lie, it would’ve had a better ending if he said “Janice, send in the clean-up crew” and then reached under his desk and pulled out another jar of marbles and placed them on his desk.

  3. Lol funny, but people like that who choose to get distracted and not take their job seriously I ask to leave and not to return until they are ready to take the job seriously.

  4. I had to fast forward this bcuz once he put the marbles in his mouth I start choking y’all think I have some type of problem ?

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